legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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