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• (312): View more from Illinois

  Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on

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• (407): View more from Florida

  And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.

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• (585): View more from New York

  The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?

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• (989): View more from Michigan

  You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high

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