Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
