i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
