Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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