Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
