well I can't set my house on fire every night
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
