so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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