omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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