Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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