This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
