I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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