don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
this hospital has no fireball
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
