i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize