You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
