i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
