I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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