I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
