I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
