UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
