I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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