Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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