Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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