I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
