i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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