this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
