SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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