She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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