Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
