I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize