I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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