I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
