I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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