if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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