and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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