I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
