Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
3pm strippers are depressing
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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