....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
