She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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