I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
