drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
