I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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