Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
