so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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