I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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