Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
