i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
