u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
