We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
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