Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
