I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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