You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
