Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
