you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think your dad took our porno
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
