also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
