Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
