Please, let me fuck your mom
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
