Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
