you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
