don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
