Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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