He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
