why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
