you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
please don't ironically join a cult
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