is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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