Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
