My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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