There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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