Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
