Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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