This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
