It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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