420 ftw
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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