she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
