Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
